Anti-Climacus

HAHA: My Foreign Correspondent, some say the new madpony:

one of the great things about travels through europe is the abundance of museums. from the louvre and musée d'orsay in paris to the cheese-making museum in gruyère (it's really cool, i promise), there are lots of neat things to see. sometimes, however, my fellow travelers might find themselves confused about appropriate decorum in said halls of knowledge. for these friends, i humbly offer:

la petite princesse's guide to appropriate museum behavior

#1. so as to make the experience of other patrons of the arts more pleasant, please keep comments and insights to a minimum. for example, if you were perusing a collection of the late works of claude monet, it would be best to keep breakthroughs such as "his paintings look, like, fuzzy" to yourself. as in, inside your head.

#2. that pink terrycloth sweatsuit must have cost you a fortune at neiman marcus, but let's face it: even j.lo would look scruffy wearing that in the british museum. how about a nice pair of trousers and a pressed shirt? or, even better, something from the special occasion collection at jcrew? very nice!

#3. an appropriate amount of time to enjoy, say, a painting is approximately one minute or less (emphasis on the "less" when it's crowded-- friends, remember, we can all share in the fun if we work together).

#4. let's also work on the emotions... no crying or laughing hysterically, if possible, pls. (try and stay in the middle-range of potential emotional extremes). i admit, i'd be the happiest person in the world if i could pitch a tent and set up camp in a renoir collection, but even i have managed to contain myself. and this means it's more than possible for the rest of you to attain. :)

#5. i like to bring nutritious snacks along as well, but try not to tuck into the trailmix or crack open the diet coke inside the gallery-- it's not good for the paintings.

#6. don't touch the paintings!!!

#7. don't pretend to touch the paintings!!!

#8. if the person on the loudspeaker in the sistine chapel says to be quiet in fifteen different languages, you should listen to him or her even if "vær rolig! ikke åpner deres munn!" isn't recognizable.

#9. no running through the hallways. you might slip and crash into a priceless fifteenth-century botticelli fresco. or a granny. and that would be bad.

#10. this one is the most important-- do not, under any circumstances, do any of the following:
a. pose in the same stance as the venus de milo in front or to the side of the actual statue
b. take a picture of the mona lisa. i promise the 50 cent postcard will look much, much better
c. use your video camera (even michael moore knows when to shut it off. probably.)
d. stare at the naked people. it's ART.

well, friends, that's all i've got. i feel that with mutual respect and admiration for both fellow art enthusiasts and the works before us, we can all have a fun, safe, and satisfying time in the galleries. :)