Anti-Climacus

QUOTE: worth reprinting in full, by Susan Konig on NRO:

"Airplanes are banned from flying near U.S. landmarks on the 4th of July. People are talking about skipping large gatherings, avoiding sunny beaches and fireworks displays, malls and national parks, the cities and mass transit. What if something happens? Will terrorists strike again? Homicide bombers may strike here, at home in America.

The hell they will. Here are the top ten reasons why they won't:

1. We're too ticked off. Americans are emerging from the grief of September 11 and we're angry. We are not in the mood to be cowed. Ever see a couple of average Americans fighting over a parking space at Jones Beach? Don't mess with us.

2. It's America's birthday, the day that celebrates the founding of our country and all the principles that make her the greatest nation in the world. We don't celebrate what is called martyrdom in extremist countries. No one will send a bonus to your parents if you blow yourself up. It's hard to recruit homicide bombers when we have Blockbuster and bowling alleys and diners and Starbucks and paintball. You can work at McDonald's and get health insurance and tuition remission and free fries.

3. We're too nosy. Everyone wants to know everyone else's business so no one's going to get away with making shrapnel bomb belts in their apartment. Total strangers will ask you what you paid for your house and if you had a vaginal birth. It's impossible to get any privacy.

4. We're a nation of squealers. We're ready to turn anyone in. That's why the phone is always ringing off the hook after an episode of America's Most Wanted or Unsolved Mysteries. We want to help, we want to catch bad guys, and we don't want anyone to get away with anything. Look at the Unabomber, he had to live in a shack to get anything done. And he still got turned in by his own brother.

5. The element of surprise is gone. Buying too much fertilizer and trying to rent a Ryder truck? We're onto you ? writing down your license-plate number, getting your picture on videotape, tracing your credit card. You paid cash? Fuggedaboutit, you're busted.

6. No matter what the media would have us believe, disenfranchised groups do not flourish in the United States. Everyone has someone going to bat for him. Want to sleep in the church steps? Be my guest. Don't want to recite the Pledge of Allegiance? Enjoy your godlessness. Too fat to fly? Join a big fat class-action suit of the weight-challenged.

7. Terrorists are probably confused by the First Amendment. They're paralyzed into inaction by what they've learned about American life from the New York Post, Salon.com and Jackass. They were going to blow themselves up but they're glued to coverage of Martha Stewart's financial woes, the Catholic church scandal, and John Gotti's funeral.

8. This ain't France. We don't let people terrorize Jews here. [My note: damn straight! -Nick]

9. We've spent a lot of time trying to convince our kids that they are safe. We're picketing the nuclear-power plants, stockpiling KI, shaking out the mail for anthrax, plotting routes away from disaster, refreshing our Y2K water bottles in the basement. We're ready and whenever we're ready, nothing ever happens.

10. Ozzy, Internet spam, Lara Flynn Boyle's weight ? we've got a lot on our minds. In the summertime alone we have to watch out for Lyme, e coli, West Nile virus.

Terrorists, get in line."