Anti-Climacus

THOSE D#$% EUROFFS: At it again:
"It?s hard to make fun of the European Union ? we?ve all tried, but they keep outdoing us. A few years ago, we had some laughs over the EU?s edict on condoms: They had to be a particular size, Europe-wide, no variations. But what about the relative endowments of Frenchmen, Germans, Swedes, Italians (or northern Italians and southern Italians), Bulgarians, Laplanders, and so on? Surely the euro-condom would be too snug for some, too roomy for others? But socialism can?t think of such things. Socialism decides in offices, regardless of the realities among people.

Then the EU issued a decree on the curvature of bananas (pardon the relation): We kid you not. Our David Pryce-Jones used this as a jumping-off point for a lengthy and excellent article on the bullying, Orwellian, and demented nature of the European Union.

The problem is, as I mentioned, that you can?t make up stuff about the EU, can scarcely joke about it. A couple of weeks ago, the New York Times?s brilliant music critic, Bernard Holland, had a piece on Europe?s crackdown on noise, including the sounds made in concert halls. The EU is threatening to impose a ?workplace decibel limit of 85 without earplugs, 87 with them.? This limit does not go far enough for some, who favor 83.

As a result, ?European musicians are not happy,? as Holland (the critic, not the country) says. The director of the Association of British Orchestras protests, ?It will virtually stop us playing any loud repertoire whatsoever.? But musical considerations leave Brussels unmoved. Said one of its ?health and safety? spokesmen, ?Noise is noise. It doesn?t matter whether it?s Tchaikovsky or a power drill.?

It?s both chilling and flattering that more and more Europeans, if they want to live and work in something like freedom, have to come here, to the United States (French techies in Silicon Valley, for example)."